Deciding
to transition at work was one of the toughest decisions
of my life.
I
had known I was transgender for more
than a decade, but I was unsure whether
I would be able to bring together
my work life with who I knew myself
to be. After three years of working
as Ian, a male, at CNET News.com,
would my co-workers and sources be
able to accept me as Ina, a female?
And how would readers and
viewers react? Although the bulk
of my job is writing print stories
for our Web site, a part of it is
appearing in
broadcast media to talk about technology
issues as well as conducting video
interviews
of top executives.
But
while there were lots of reasons
to be worried, there were also things
urging me
to push forward. I was tired
of wearing floppy
sweatshirts at the grocery store
out of fear
that I would run into a colleague
or source.
I also felt that I was in a unique
position,
having had access to education
and financial
security that so few in my community
possess.
Who was I to stay hidden?
For
a while, I tried to wait until I
was sure that things would work
out. But, in the
end, that just wasn’t possible. I thought
things would be manageable,
but there really
weren’t any guarantees. I didn’t think I
would get fired, but I wasn’t sure if it would
hamper my ability to do my
job. I worried
that my gender would become
the story,
rather than the story being
the ones on
which I was trying to report.
Eventually,
though, I decided it was more
important to be who I knew
myself
to be.
I
thought my managers would be understanding,
but not necessarily knowledgeable,
on what to do. So by the
time I
approached them I had come
up with a plan. First I
would send
an e-mail to my colleagues
in the newsroom. Then,
after they (and
I) had a week or two to adjust,
I would reach out to my
contacts
and sources, hundreds of
them.
I
had planned to wait a little longer
than I did, maybe work
on making my voice a little
less deep, or be more
sure of how I
would present myself at
work. When a new opportunity
as
Microsoft beat reporter
came open, I was forced
to speed things
up. I didn’t feel right accepting a new assignment
without telling
my co-workers what I was
planning. I accepted
the new beat, and
they accepted my new gender.
My
co-workers were mostly surprised,
but they were also
really sweet and supportive.
A lesbian co-worker
made me a card
the day I told my bosses,
while plenty of others
sent e-mails applauding
my courage and
reassuring me that my
relationships with
them would not change.
Two weeks later, it
came time to deal with
the external world.
I
gathered the e-mail addresses
of a couple of
hundred people I planned
to contact. I sent
individual e-mails to
dozens of them. I
planned to call others.
However,
once I sent out the first emails,
I quickly realized
that anyone I wanted
to contact by phone,
I better call quick.
It
seems the e-mail was
quickly forwarded
throughout the tech
PR world.
Never
one to share much information
about my personal
life, I worried
about
crossing a line.
Instead, the move
brought me closer to many
of the people I
talked
with regularly and
allowed me to reconnect
with others I maybe
hadn’t worked with in a
while.
The
response was amazing and overwhelming.
People sent heartfelt
letters, some
with support, others
with questions.
Shortly
after transitioning, I re-joined
NLGJA and got heavily
involved in the
organization,
first on transgender
issues specifically
and shortly thereafter
as a board member.
It’s been more than three years now, and it has been really amazing. What has been most remarkable is that most of the time, my gender is a non-issue. I have been able to be on TV, on radio and in print, all while being the authentic me. I like being able to be visibly and audibly transgender. I hope it sends a message to transgender youth that there are more opportunities today. Being transgender can be a part of who you are and not all that you are.
Being
out is not all roses. People use
the wrong pronoun all the time, a
situation that I think is awkward
all the way around. And, occasionally,
there is a negative public reaction.
I recently did a video interview with Microsoft CEO
Steve Ballmer. I made the
choice to appear on camera, knowing
that my gender would be
unclear. The video sparked some mean-spirited
discussion in
some online forums and prompted one
or two extremely nasty emails.
“How
could something that looks like you possibly have a
major interview with someone?” wrote one particularly
uninformed reader. “If you are a female, why do you
have such a manly voice? What is with
the blouse/collared shirt? Are you
trying to make the rest of the world suffer
because we do not know what
you are? I think you should write an
article about your sexuality
and tell us what you are. ”
Such
reactions are hurtful, but they are
countered by the many positive interactions,
particularly from members of the
LGBT community who appreciate
seeing members of their community
visibly represented in the media.
But
while my experience has been incredibly
positive, the picture nationally
is still muddy for transgender journalists.
In most
states, transgender employees
can be fired simply because
of their
gender. That’s why NLGJA has started an effort
to get media companies
to add gender identity to their
nondiscrimination policies.
The effort has been slow going.
The New York Times and CNET
Networks (my employer) have
signed on. A few other large
companies
that have media properties
also offer such protections,
but
many others do not.
That’s
where we need your help. Get involved
with the Transgender & Allies Caucus at NLGJA. Talk to your
employer
about adding “gender identity or expression” to
their non-discrimination
policy.
