It
began with a photo caption on May
17. My staff photographer at Bay
Windows filed a beautiful shot of two women
waiting in line outside Boston
City Hall. They were among the hundreds of
couples waiting to apply for a marriage
license when the doors to
marriage, literally, opened at 8:30
a.m.
A
first draft of the caption for the
next edition described the two as newlyweds,” a term
which would not be accurate until
several hours
later, after the couple had filed
their application,
received a waiver of a mandatory
three-day waiting
period from a county court, picked
up their
finalized license, and had their
union solemnized
by an authority of the state.
Besides, the couple had been together for over a decade, so “newlyweds” seemed a bit fatuous to describe their union.
“Newlyweds” was
scratched and replaced
with “brides-to-be.” This, too, was met
with the
red pen. While technically accurate,
it might have
offended the couple, who had
referred to each
other as “wife” for several years, though they
were
not legally wed, and had shared
a hyphenated last
name for many of those years.
In
short order, “fiancées,” “engaged,” and
even “betrothed” were all deemed inappropriate.
It was then that I realized the
magnitude of the
problem we would face as same-sex
marriage
became a reality in Massachusetts.
In
the months since May 17, our weekly
paper, the largest news outlet
for Boston’s LGBT
community, many times has
faced similar usage
conundrums. We follow Associated
Press style,
along with our own addendum
for gay-specific terminology.
Unfortunately, we’ve not yet been able to update
our addendum
with a clear and concise
guideline for describing
same-sex couples who have married here in
Massachusetts.
The
problem is multifaceted, with decades,
if not centuries, of
language bias piled onto
the challenge.
Most
terms describing persons married
by religious authorities
or the state presume
a male-female union.
In all dictionaries
I’ve referenced, the words “bride,” “groom,” “husband,” and “wife” make
specific reference to an opposite-sex
pairing. These presumptions
remain in common usage,
not yet transformed
by the
small number of same-sex
marriages performed
in the past year. Moreover, most common
usage assumes circumstances
not
shared by most of the
couples we have covered.
For example, the
couples planning to be
married are rarely “engaged,” nor
has there
been a “proposal.” They are typically
long-time partners
who consider themselves already married;
many have even had
previous
commitment ceremonies
or civil unions.
The
inadequacy of common terminology
has been reflected in the
wedding announcements
we
receive.
We
have published an average of five
announcements each week since May
17. Couples write
their own announcements,
which receive minimal
editing, so they’re a good reflection
of the
community’s own usage. With few exceptions,
the
announcements do
not use terms like “bride” or“
groom.” I can recall only one instance
of an
announcement containing “wife.” In
fact, the
term “partner,” already in
vogue before May 17,
probably still appears more frequently
than all
other terms combined.
In
the absence of clear guidelines
on marriage,
I’ve reiterated my favorite advice to reporters:
Just
write what happened.
If it’s unclear whether two
men are “husbands,” write that
the two are married.
If it’s unclear whether a woman is a “bride,” write
that she is getting married. And if two
people
are on their way
into City Hall,
they are going
to “apply for a marriage license” (our
final choice
for the May 17
photo caption).
Our
newspaper has confronted thorny
usage
issues before.
From the ubiquitous
identity
acronym conundrum
(we use GLBT
in most
cases) to the
more recent
challenge of gender identifying
transgender people (we
use the subject’s
preferred pronoun
when it can
be determined),
a simple,
uniform guideline
has always
emerged over time.
It
may take longer for a common
usage to
emerge around
marriage. No
same-sex
couple has yet reached their
first anniversary
(paper). They
might well
reach their
fifth (wood), 10th (tin)
or 25th (silver)
before our
language
has been fully transformed
by
the events
here in Massachusetts.
