Forget the fairy tale. Lasting love, especially for lesbians and queer women, takes more than chemistry—it takes consciousness. That’s the philosophy behind the Conscious Girlfriend Academy, founded by Ruth Schwartz, Ph.D., whose bestselling book Conscious Lesbian Dating and Love laid the groundwork for a worldwide learning community.
For ten years, Conscious Girlfriend has been helping women in 25 countries understand attachment theory, navigate online dating, and cultivate emotional skillsets that change lives.
From Mexico to Canada to the U.S., alumni stories demonstrate its reach:
Mary and Dawn, 60 and 57, both came out later in life. They forged a deep connection after meeting online, but they struggled with Dawn’s anxious attachment, and broke up many times before taking Academy classes together. Now, they credit the Academy with helping them build the tools to build lasting love.
“When we fight, we both immediately start using the SCORE Process,” Dawn confides, referring to the Academy’s unique 5-step process to help downregulate a traumatized nervous system. Looking over at Mary, she adds, “The minute I saw her online, I knew she was my girl. But now, with Conscious Girlfriend, I know she’s my partner for life.”
Poonam, 45, had her first lesbian relationship as a teenager in India, then emigrated to the U.S. in an arranged heterosexual marriage which quickly turned abusive. After a painful first lesbian marriage, her journey to liberation led her to the Conscious Girlfriend Academy Coach Training.
In 2025, Poonam she became a certified Conscious Girlfriend coach with a special focus on South Asian immigrants and people with anxious attachment, like herself. In her spare time she remixes Bollywood hits into lesbian love anthems. “Finding something like this would have made such a difference to me when I was a teenager,” Poonam says.
Pierce, 63, never thought she would date online, but an Academy course gave her the courage, and also taught her how to craft a profile that reflected her true self. Laura responded five days later, and over the past three years they’ve crafted a unique long-distance relationship healthier than either one of them could have imagined.
“I never thought a relationship could be so easy!” Pierce marvels. She now co-facilitates the Academy’s weekly Conscious Lesbian Elders Group serving women 60 and over.
Lindsey, a 55-year-old Army veteran, came to the Academy after her third painful breakup, hopeful that with the right training, she could learn to navigate relationships differently. She quickly realized she had avoidant attachment, and engaged in the Academy homework as diligently as she had once embraced her military training.
“Now, when my avoidant attachment rears its head, I know just what to do,” Lindsey says proudly. She recently married Alice, whom she met in the Academy, in an intimate private ceremony on the beach near her home.
Anamaria, 53, a Mexican psychotherapist married to a man, finally embraced her long-held feelings for women through the Coming Out and Coming Home class. She found friendship, belonging, and a renewed belief in the possibility of love.
Nicki Monahan, 64, a Canadian life coach, first came to the Academy in 2016, heartbroken after her own lesbian divorce. Eventually she healed, then went through the Academy’s coach training and certification program to deepen her knowledge. Now she facilitates a weekly Dating & Love Skill-Building Lab in the Academy.
“When I came out at age 20, I did what everyone does – just followed my attractions,” explains Academy Director Ruth Schwartz, 63. “It wasn’t until I was in my forties that I realized there had to be a better way.
“I had a successful career as a professor, and my third book had just been published – but in my relationship life, I didn’t have a clue. I was on my knees after yet another painful breakup, my third in three years, before I realized there had to be a better way, and I set out to learn it – and then, ten years later, to teach it to the rest of my community.”
Now, twenty years after that pivotal moment in Schwartz’s life, the Conscious Girlfriend Academy continues to grow as a beacon of emotional education, support, and queer joy. For lesbians and queer women around the world, it’s not just a pride flag, a parade, or a program – it’s a path home.
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Media Contact: Ruth L. Schwartz, Ph.D. – Director, Conscious Girlfriend Academy
Phone: 510-472-4542
Website: www.consciousgirlfriendacademy.com
The Conscious Girlfriend Academy is the leading global resource helping lesbians and queer women prevent heartbreak, date wisely, and love well. Founded in 2014, the Conscious Girlfriend classes and book have reached women and non-binary people in 25 countries. Director Ruth L. Schwartz, Ph.D., is the author of the Amazon bestseller Conscious Lesbian Dating & Love.